Photo by Sharon Sinclair
I want to share with you a very powerful TED talk entitled, “Doctors make mistakes. Can we talk about that?” In this 19-minute video, Canadian ER physician Dr. Brian Goldman talks about the agony of his own mistakes and offers a perspective on dealing with this inevitable, yet incredibly challenging part of being a doctor.One of my awesome clients sent me this TED talk a few weeks ago. I watched the talk, and I must confess, it choked me up at the end. There is a lot of pain around mistakes we make as physicians. We never want patients to suffer because of us. We feel the pain of our disappointment in ourselves. We may feel ashamed and want to hide from the truth. Excellent doctors leave medicine because of the fear of making mistakes. Others leave because of a mistake they cannot accept.
My client graciously agreed to write her own response to this TED Talk. It’s my pleasure to share her words of wisdom with you.
Listening to this TED Talk by Canadian ER physician, Dr. Brian Goldman should be a prerequisite for medical school graduation. Many of us physicians have a perfectionistic personality and were good students. I loved being a student and even taking tests. I always made A’s and a rare B. When I would miss 1 or 2 questions on a test, it was no big deal because I would still get a good score overall. But, now that I am in the real world practicing medicine, missing “one question” can have grave implications. In my (former) mind, missing one question in medicine didn’t equate to a 98%, but to a failure. I have experienced the unhealthy shame that follows mistakes. “Why did I even go into medicine? . . . I’m not cut out to have such tremendous responsibility.” I have even considered leaving the field of medicine to escape my future mistakes. However, when I watched this talk, it helped me to realize that I am not alone. And, if you remove all of the people that make mistakes from medicine, you will be left with no one to care for these patients that so greatly need our help. So, I made a resolve. If I am to continue to be a physician, I must learn to deal with my mistakes in a healthy way. I must acknowledge them, feel a healthy regret, learn something from it and then, forgive myself. Goldman doesn’t speak about forgiveness specifically in his talk – but I think this is an incredibly important part of the process. I think it is necessary to allow myself to feel bad for the mistakes I make – but in a healthy, constructive way. If I didn’t feel any remorse, I would not be a good physician. I never want to become nonchalant about my mistakes. I also must speak openly to others so they can learn from my mistakes and know that they are not alone. I have also found it to be helpful to recognize all of the good that I have done and give myself credit for that instead of constantly obsessing over my mistakes. For those of you struggling with this same issue, I hope that you find this talk as helpful as I did.
To listen to this TED talk, click here.
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Heather,
Thank you for discussing this important topic and sharing your client’s response to Dr. Goldman’s riveting TED Talk. I have a special interest in physician wellness and burnout prevention as well. Issues such as making mistakes as a physician need to be addressed and we need to continue to support one another. Recognizing that colleagues share the same experiences, and hearing how they coped, can only improve a physician’s approach to an adverse event they experience. We are human and with that comes mistakes.
All the best,
Sara
Sara,
Thank you for your supportive comments and letting us know that you are involved in physician wellness and burnout prevention. I read with interest on your website, saratmd.com, about the Physician Wellness Anthology Project you are doing. For interested readers, Sara is collecting stories about burnout from physicians in the US and Canada to be used potentially in a book. If you want to find out more, visit http://www.saratmd.com/?page_id=1241. Thank you again Sara and keep up the great work.
I have now read this dialogue and watched this lecture more than a few times. I am an optometric physician of 17+ years currently coping with a clinical decision that “I will remember” forever and ever. My clinical decision making most likely blinded my patient in one eye. I am a respected eye care professional and have been proud of my successful care each and every year that I have been in practice. I am currently drowning in guilt and dealing with the destruction of clinical confidence that has taken a decade or more to achieve given the fact that I have always been a self-doubting individual since my youth. Despite years of successful practice, excellent academic success, and over the top patient praise and confidence, I have struggled with always making that perfect diagnosis and treatment plan. After actually toying with the idea of “giving up” and thinking I am not good enough, Dr. Goldman gives me inspiration to know that I am not alone and that my heavy heart and guilt is a sign that I am a good and caring doctor and that I am human. Thank you. I will wake up tomorrow and care for my patients with a full heart and motivation to always do my best… but if I ever make a mistake like this again I hope I can cope with the fact that I am only human and in my heart I know that I am always practicing medicine with all of my caring heart and ability. I pursued a career in medicine because I knew I wanted to help everyone I could… but when you create hurt it can be a life-changing torture until you forgive yourself. Thank you. Thank you, Brain
Thank you very much for sharing your heart-wrenching experience. It is very obvious that you are an incredibly caring, compassionate, and exceptional physician. I really feel for what you are going through. When we take on caring for patients, it is a tremendous responsibility and if we stay in the game long enough, statistically, we are going to have some less than desirable outcomes. We will make mistakes and it will be painful. In order to practice medicine, we have to give ourselves permission to be human and know that as high as we aim, we cannot expect perfection from ourselves or our patients. I know it is easy to say this, and so much harder to live it and believe it. For any physician who takes on this noble role of patient care, there needs to be grace given for these courageous souls who every day risk having to face this kind of situation you are experiencing. If physicians were not willing to take this risk, of being in service to others and knowing that we are likely going to inadvertently cause suffering, no one would have medical care. It helps to remember all the good you are doing and have done, and know that there is grace for when things like this happen. The grace is the forgiveness we give ourselves and the acknowledgment that we are doing our best and that is all we can ask of ourself or anyone else. Thank you again for sharing your story, it will be helpful to many as this is not an uncommon experience. Take good care of yourself and please feel free to reach out again.