Lost in the Woods

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Photo by Tero Laakso

Photo by Tero Laakso

“Help! Please help me! I am lost in the woods and can’t find my way out.”

I hear this plaintive cry often. Maybe not those exact words, but pretty close. In unhappy doctor-speak, it can sound like, “I’m feeling trapped and overwhelmed. I don’t know what else I can do. This is all I know. I don’t want to have to take antidepressants to do my job. Help!”

Unfortunately, the clearly marked path that led to your becoming a physician comes to a screeching halt at clinical practice. The road map is gone and you don’t even know what to plug into the GPS. Out there, somewhere in the clearing, must be happy doctors. But the trees are so tall and dense, you can’t see beyond them.

This feeling doesn’t just apply to those wanting to leave medicine. You may want to be happier in practice, or have a blended career. Perhaps you have an entrepreneurial idea, or want to grow professionally. You can still feel lost in not knowing how to move beyond the status quo.

When we’re feeling stuck or trapped, it can be paralyzing. Our thinking becomes repetitive and circular. Round and round we go on the mental merry-go-round that is hardly an amusement park ride. What we need is something to SHIFT us – even just a little bit – so we can breathe easier and start to MOVE forward. Here are some steps that will create a shift in your thinking and actions.

Create the SHIFT

  1. Realize you are not really lost
  2. Find help
  3. Take one step at a time
  4. Focus on possibilities not problems
  5. Program a POWERFUL target into your GPS
  1. You are not really lost
    If you could rise above the trees, you would be able to see the forest is not as big as it feels. It’s just a grove. Walk 50 feet in any direction and you will find help. If your legs turn to rubber, take out your smart phone (you brought it with you) and fire it up. If you Google your problem, you will find people and resources to help you. Problems are always worse when we keep them hidden.
  1. Find help
    It’s not unusual for a doctor to tell me it took them several years to contact me for coaching. At first that puzzled me, until I had the “ah-hah” that I‘d done something similar. I needed some investment advice, but a combination of previous bad experiences, wanting to do it on my own, and not knowing whom I could trust, resulted in delay and inertia. Finally, there was a pivotal catalyst (as is often the case before we get into action) and I made the declaration, “Enough! This is not working and I’m going to make that call!” When you declare, “I am going to figure this out, no matter what!” your specific challenge becomes the priority it should be.
  1. Take one step at a time
    Once you make the commitment to address your challenge, don’t fall into the trap of having to see how it’s all going to work out before beginning. One of the biggest wet blankets you can throw on yourself is needing all the answers before barely taking the first step. If you try to do this, your mind will come in with all the reasons why you can’t do x, y or z. Avoid the tendency to want to rush to the “finish line.” The only real finish line is when we take our last breath. Rather, see each step as part of a precious unfolding of your life. This infinitely creative process, this artistic sculpting and shaping of you, is just as important as any destination.
  1. Focus on possibilities not problems
    When we’re feeling lost, trapped, or confused, we spend more time thinking about what’s wrong with our current circumstances, instead of imagining what’s possible.  Fear and uncertainty tend to fuel negative thinking. Write down your repetitive thoughts for one day. Put pluses by the positive ones and minuses by the negative ones. If negative thoughts predominate, it’s hard to feel hopeful about the future. When we are low on hope, our faith in ourselves and life is greatly diminished. We have trouble seeing possibilities. A way out of this downward spiral is to look at all you have done and all that you are. There is no valid reason to doubt your ability to positively change things. You have probably already climbed several Mt. Everests – without oxygen. If you can’t figure out a better way for yourself, who can? Do not sell yourself short.
  1. Program a POWERFUL target into you GPS
    To find your way out of the woods, you will need to program a “do-or-die” kind of target statement into your GPS. As I said earlier, you don’t have to know the destination, or how you’ll get there. But you must identify a goal that rallies your spirit. You must make a powerful commitment to yourself. It could be something such as:

          I WILL find a better job
          I WILL find a way to be happier
          I WILL improve my relationship with X
         I WILL find a new way to use my gifts
         I WILL get on top of my finances
         I WILL make myself a priority
        I WILL get the help I need

I remember the day I asked myself if I was happy in my work. For a number of years, I had been so busy and preoccupied with running my practice, I never stopped to consider the question. It’s not something you tend to ask during school and training, so why even start? But I did ask, and the answer was a disturbing, “No!” There were many contributing factors, but they had nothing to do with not liking my patients. I made a strong commitment to myself that I was going to do everything I could to enjoy my practice. I did make significant changes in how I practiced, as well as in my personal life. Things got better. However, after a number of years, I asked the question again. I knew from my answer it was time for me to sell my practice. It wasn’t right for me, or for my patients, to not have my heart in what I was doing. I didn’t know what was next, but I told myself, “I am going to find a way to be happier in my work, no matter what. I WILL figure it out.”

And I did! It took a number of years and was not a linear path. But I found work I love where I feel I can make a difference and still help others. When I had my, “dark nights of the soul,” and questioned my decision, it was my strong commitment that kept me going.

Commitments are strengthened through the support of others. Feel free to contact me or comment on this blog. Share your commitment with a loved one or friend. Write your commitment down. Sign and date it. Plug it into your internal GPS and let it start working. You owe it to yourself.

 

 

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9 Comments

  1. Miriam Ragab, DO on March 18, 2015 at 11:22 am

    My goodness…it is as if I wrote this post myself…about my current self. What timing. I am in the middle of this mess and the trees are higher that I could have ever imagined. Everything written is exactly how I feel right now. I can plug a commitment into the GPS, but then somehow I would have to find the strength to turn the GPS on…to better days God willing…

    • Heather Fork on March 18, 2015 at 11:36 am

      Miriam, thank you for your reply! I am glad you had the strength to send this message. I appreciate hearing from you. Would you like us to send in a search and rescue team to find you? If you can, at least turn on your Personal Locator Beacon! All kidding aside, there is help if you would like it and there are always ways to work with any situation, even if it feels hopeless. If you want to contact me directly, my email is heatherfork@gmail.com. Wishing you better days ASAP.

  2. Alexis Gopal on March 19, 2015 at 10:04 am

    What a fabulous post! I so needed to hear this right now!

    • Heather Fork on March 19, 2015 at 1:18 pm

      Thank you very much Alexis! I really appreciate your kind words and that you took the time to respond. I am happy to hear from you. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. Heather

  3. Elizabeth on April 6, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    I agree with the above comments. I feel so lost and burnt out. I’m depressed and truly unhappy with where I am at right now, but I feel trapped by debt. Thank you for this post. I’m trying to force myself to focus on the positive and not drown in the circular negativity I feel I am stuck in. God, I SO need a break. Glad I am not alone.

    • Heather Fork on April 6, 2015 at 10:53 pm

      Good evening Elizabeth, thank you so much for reaching out and taking a step to not feeling so alone and stuck. MANY doctors are shouldering a lot of debt and feel very trapped by it. I was just re-reading Suze Orman’s book on Women and Money (2010). Whether Suze is your cup of tea or not, she does have a lot of great, practical advice for dealing with one’s finances. http://www.amazon.com/Women-Money-Owning-Control-Destiny/dp/0812981316. I find when things feel overwhelming, or there is something I am avoiding dealing with, it’s helpful to just set a very small goal,something very doable that doesn’t take long. And do that. And then set another very small goal, and get the satisfaction from the accomplishment. And keep setting small, attainable goals. Don’t worry about conquering the mountain, just take a few steps and put your stake in the ground. And then take a few more. Just keep moving, and the action will bring in some new energy. Know that you are not alone and there are a lot of other doctors in the woods too -just peer behind a few trees and you will see them. Call out to them and now you have a posse. Please keep in touch.

  4. Leonard on October 31, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    This is all too accurate for me right now. Except I’m an IMG and trapped in a residency I don’t have a passion for with over $400k of debt (accruing interest at 7%…). Wood’s pretty dark for me right now.

    • Heather Fork on October 31, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Hello Leonard, thank you for sharing a little about your situation. I am very sorry to hear about your debt and that you feel trapped in residency.
      That sounds incredibly challenging and stressful. Are you considering a non-clinical direction? Do you mind my asking what your specialty is? Perhaps there is a non-clinical direction you could work towards that would be more motivating for you and a better fit.

      • Leonard on November 1, 2016 at 2:41 pm

        I’m currently in my PGY-2 year as a radiology resident and it’s just not for me. Only thing is my prelim year in Internal Medicine was even worse and I was even more miserable. I honestly think medicine was a terrible career choice I just did because it was safe and it made my parents happy. Any ideas of a non-clinical direction for an IMG with limited residency training/no board certification? Thank you so much for any help you can offer.

Leave a Comment





modupe

"Heather’s approach was great! She would listen to me and helped me appreciate who I am."

I remember when she said ‘do your resume before our next meeting’, I was about to push back but she gently nudged me along and I’m glad I did exactly what she wanted me to do. We also did interview prep via Zoom and I was offered a great job in UM. She has continued to follow up even after I was offered this job, helping me with pointers about negotiating. I will totally recommend the Doctors Crossing and Heather to anyone feeling stuck like me and looking for a great coach! Thank you Heather!

- Modupe Oladeinde, MD

Family Medicine
Tim O

The coaching I have had with you has been life changing."

You helped me find the courage to seek out leadership positions and become a medical director as well as a physician advisor. I am grateful we crossed paths and am a different person because of it. You have inspired me to "believe" in spite of my inner skeptic. I consider you one of my most important mentors and am proud to also call you a friend. This says a lot given the apprehension I felt when I took a chance with our first coaching session. Even though I have already made a successful transition, I still value your ongoing mentorship and can enthusiastically attest that the value of your services is tremendous!

- Tim Owolabi, MD

Family Medicine
Lynette Charity

“I was at a crossroads in my medical career. I asked myself, "Do I stay or do I go?" 

I met Heather at the SEAK conference. She and I revisited this question.  Did I want to quit being medicine completely? She helped me to identify my needs, wants, and my vision for my FUTURE, not just in medicine, but in life!!!

She was able to listen to my "ramblings" about becoming a stand-up comic, lounge singer and voice-over actor and translate them into action steps.  I chose to become a composite of all of these. Now I am a more confident, healthier, happier person. I credit this in its entirety to the tutelage I have received and continue to receive from Heather.  She cares. She listens. She was there for ME.  She will be there for YOU!

- Lynette Charity, MD

Anesthesiologist
Gail Miller

“I am forever grateful to Heather for helping me to recognize, I am more than just my M.D." 

Heather helped me understand that I am more than just a doctor and that my experiences in clinical medicine are valuable in so many arenas.  As a result I realized that there are other ways to use my background, still be able to help people and continue to challenge myself and grow.  To that end I discovered coaching - specifically health coaching.  I am on my journey becoming a health coach and truly loving it!

- Gail Miller, MD

OB/Gyn physician
Steve

“Thank you, Heather, for helping me transform my career, my faith and my life."

What started out as an initial thirty-minute consultation call turned into an amazing four-year journey that transformed my life, personally, spiritually and professionally. 

Heather helped me to discover my passions...by doing so, I discovered I still had a calling for medicine but it now came from a place of truth...

Today...my wife and I are opening our first concierge medicine clinic in a community we love. I’m actually excited to have the opportunity to practice medicine the way I believe it’s meant to be, with a focus on the doctor-patient relationship and an emphasis on faith. I know if I had not reached out to Dr. Fork, my life would not be where it is at today.

- Steve Lapke, MD

Papillion, NE
Sue Zimmermann

“Heather gave me the confidence to create a new livelihood by following my heart."

She is incredibly knowledgeable about the range of careers available to physicians and provided me with advice and connections which I would not have found on my own.  From the start she encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and try different things.  I was laid off unexpectedly in early 2017, and Heather gave me the confidence to create a new livelihood by following my heart and making decisions based on trust, not fear.  Now I am enjoying working part-time in a clinical setting in addition to teaching and writing.

- Sue Zimmermann, MD

Orthopedic Surgeon
Devki Patel

After months of struggling to find a non-clinical career that matched my values and passion, I stumbled upon Heather's website which truly changed my life."

Heather's insightful and personalized approach to career coaching made me think outside the box since she took the time to evaluate my personality, values, interests, and preferred lifestyle.

Through her encouragement, practical advice, and professional connections, I was able to find a non-clinical position at a state Medicaid agency that aligned with my passion for population health and serving low-income communities. In addition to her coaching sessions, Heather has built a community of like-minded physicians through her blog, and I feel honored to recommend her to friends and colleagues who seek to make positive changes in their professional and personal lives.

- Devki Patel, MD

Pathologist
Jay Macregor

Working with Heather ultimately helped me leave my job in corporate healthcare and find a path that was much more fulfilling."

My career was going reasonably well but I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling I could do better; or at least find a better long-term career fit.  

I was able to find a surgery job that better aligned with my goals and professional interests.  Additionally, Heather helped me start a consulting business which has allowed me to pursue a true passion: helping medical students, residents, and attendings surgeons navigate the challenges of high-stakes standardized exams.    

If you are reading this as a “Type A” surgeon who doesn’t think coaching is for you, I would encourage you to give Heather a shot.  I’m very glad I did!

- Jay MacGregor, MD

Colorectal Surgeon
LI

“I gained the confidence in myself to develop an action plan that blended the best parts of my experiences and interests into a cohesive career." 

Through our work, I learned to trust myself to make good decisions for my own future – something I hadn’t realized I was struggling with because as an emergency physician, I make life-changing decisions with patients every day. 

By feeding my creativity and interests in other realms of my professional life, I’ve found renewed compassion for my patients and myself, making every shift an opportunity to actually care for people. Thank you Heather. I really couldn’t have made these changes without your help!

- Liz McMurtry, DO

Emergency Medicine Physician
Amie

The simple truth is - Heather Fork totally helped me change my life."

I never would have had the courage to make the changes I’ve made without her unwavering support, wealth of knowledge and commitment. 

When I first started working with Heather, I was downtrodden...I’d been practicing medicine for 20+ years and yet had never quite found my place.  During the first year I worked with Heather, I left the practice I’d been working at, and recreated an entirely new professional purpose.

I’m now an executive and leadership coach, a university professor, and a Brené Brown Daring Way facilitator, and I have never looked back.  I love what I am doing more than at any other time in my professional life and I credit Heather with seeing in me what I was never able to see in myself, until now.

Don’t hesitate, don’t doubt yourself, schedule your time with Heather as soon as possible- she can help you reconnect to your purpose and reinvent your life.

- Amie Langbein, DO

Family Physician
KB Karen Barnard Photo

"After 30 years in academic medicine, I wanted a career change but had no idea where to start. Medicine was all I knew."

I signed up for coaching with Heather and it transformed my life. She helped me get clear on what I wanted my life to look like. We reviewed my skills, values, and strengths. She instilled hope in me that change IS possible after 50 years! 

The outcome is that I have created a life I love! I practice endocrinology part-time and own a life coaching business! Coaching with Heather is one of the best investments I have made in my life. 

- Karen Barnard, MBBCh, MPH

Endocrinologist and Life Coach
IMG_05-22-2021_9-11-9

"Heather was my source of hope during a time when I felt stuck and confused. She gave me the permission and confidence to reach higher than I believed I could."

After graduating from residency and starting a family, I lost sight of why I became a physician. I struggled to convince myself to stay in a career that was clearly the wrong fit for me and my family. My anxiety about work was at an all-time high when I reached out to Heather. She provided something that my mentors, friends, and family could not – rather than just offering career advice, she changed the way I think about my life so that I could understand how my career would fit into it. I realized I wasn’t ready to give up on medicine and eventually found a job in academic medicine. I finally feel that excitement for medicine that I used to feel when I was in training. More importantly, I feel like I can be the role model to my young daughter who may one day also face similar challenges between career and family. Thank you, Heather, for all your kindness, support, and skillful coaching! The experience was life-changing!

- Yuri Shindo, MD

Internal Medicine Physician
Camille Gardner-Beasley

"As a Physician, your personal and even professional needs are often overlooked. I learned how to prioritize my career goals by working with Dr. Heather Fork."

She taught me how to put into practice what I knew in theory, that taking care of myself was a priority. I learned to give myself permission to make the career choices that would give me the work-life balance I desperately craved and needed. The process of confronting fears and insecurities was a bit scary, but well worth it in the end. I am now a happier version of myself with a non-clinical job that I truly enjoy!

- Camille Gardner-Beasley, MD

Family Medicine
Anna testimonial

"After 10 years in outpatient family medicine I felt stuck and knew I needed a change but I didn’t know where to begin. Thankfully I found Heather and she guided me every step of the way."

She helped me carefully assess my interests, strengths and passions while also providing me with constructive changes to implement in my job search and resume. With Heather’s help, I just landed a fully remote UM position and I am also exploring coaching as well. Now I feel like the possibilities are endless and I’m excited for this next chapter in the nonclinical world! Thank you Heather for changing my life for the better.

- Ana Jacobellis, DO

Abbey

"I'm truly thankful to have had the opportunity to be coached by Heather, she is not only a resourceful mentor but a wise and supportive friend. I'm honored to recommend Heather to all my friends and colleagues."

I had been a practicing Internist for 20 years when I reached a point when I needed to make a serious change in my career path. While I enjoyed seeing patients, I was not satisfied with my life-work balance. My job was taking me away from my family and left me little time and energy to do other things that are important and meaningful to me. I came across Dr. Fork's podcast; The Doctor's Crossing Carpe Diem Podcast, it is such an informative and enjoyable podcast for any physician who wants to do more with their career and life in general. Then I had the pleasure to get career coaching from Heather, it was truly an amazing experience. Heather has broad knowledge of all the different career paths that are available for physicians, she is so insightful and very easy to talk to. She helped me clarify my goals, examine my own mindset and definition of success. Together we developed a clear plan and actionable steps to reach these goals. I eventually made a career transition to a remote non-clinical position that allows me to do meaningful work which aligns with my personal and professional goals and priorities. 

- Abbey Awad, MD

Internal Medicine
Maria

"There have been a handful of people who have come into my life and changed it, and Heather is one of those people."

From the very first interaction with Heather, it became abundantly clear that she possessed a systematic approach and a methodology firmly rooted in my focusing on my goals and aspirations. Heather's coaching sessions helped me dismantle limiting beliefs and unearth the capable woman, mother, and physician within me. Under Heather's guidance, I began to dream again. I rediscovered my passion for writing, found the courage to share my stories, and even launched my own coaching practice. Today, I specialize in helping others conquer imposter syndrome and overcome burnout, empowering them to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives. Working with Heather fundamentally shifted my perspective and allowed me to show up authentically in every facet of my life, resulting in a profound sense of fulfillment.

I am deeply grateful that I can continue my work in the emergency department and serve my community as a physician as well as a coach. Working with Heather was a transformative gift that enabled me to rediscover my true self, find clarity in my life's purpose, and unlock my full potential. Through her guidance, I not only reignited the powerful, confident, and bold version of myself I had lost sight of but also realized the boundless possibilities that lay ahead.

- Maria Dominguez 

Emergency physician and coach
1

"I'm so glad that I worked with Heather last year."

Making a career shift can be a lonely time, and Heather was there every step of the way with encouraging words. She helped me gain a better understanding of the breadth of careers available to physicians, as well as giving me the tools to make that leap possible. My life is better than I ever thought possible. I'm happier, healthier and doing work that I love. My only regret is that I didn't do this sooner. 

 
 

Caitlin M.

Reshma

"Heather provided invaluable insight during our one-time consultation."

She quickly helped me recognize an area where I was limiting myself and encouraged me to explore new possibilities. Her sound and supportive guidance empowered me to take the next steps in launching my parent coaching services. I’m grateful for her support and highly recommend her expertise! 

 
 

Reshma Shah MD, MPH

unnamed

"Heather taught me that 'the truth will set you free'."

I sought Heather’s guidance after practicing outpatient internal medicine for many years, as it was getting difficult to balance my role as a clinician while meeting my needs and those of my family. After our first consultation, I felt like I was seen and heard for the first time in my career. Working with Heather helped me identify my strengths, weaknesses, fears, and goals, and ultimately guided me to a non-clinical role that better aligned with my needs and aspirations. I am deeply indebted to Heather for the impact she has had on my personal and professional development. She is one of the most influential people in my life and I continue to seek her guidance years after our initial encounter. She once said that “we are happiest and most successful when we are using our skills and abilities at their highest level.” Heather will help you discover your truth. Thank you for your incredible work and friendship!

 
 

Megan Leivant, MD

Internal Medicine